But That’s not Fair!

But That’s not Fair!

I’m not sure if it’s a 10 year old thing or what, but Ms. Feisty is very indignant lately because…”It’s not Fair!” (Feet stomping, fists clenched etc.) I love her personal outrage over the injustices of the world, her curiosity into why we humans have acted in such atrocious ways, but when she’s most passionately declaring, “it’s not fair!” is when she feels that she’s been treated unfairly. Her friends have a phone, and she doesn’t, her friends get to ride in the front seat of the car and she doesn’t, her brother got to play Pokemon Go for longer than her. It just seems to go on.

And as much as I appreciate her indignation from afar, it’s tough when it’s constant and directed at me. Thinking about it now, I can sympathize and feel her outrage, but in the moment I’m not so zen. We’ve had discussions about how life isn’t fair, whether it’s the circumstances into which people are born, to friends that have more or less than her and get more or less opportunities. But it doesn’t change her hurt and down right frustration.

She’s probably training to be a lawyer or an activist because she lays out why it’s unfair, and how it should be rectified. And if isn’t rectified, then I hear the arguments over and over again.

I don’t have the solution to her frustration but I’ve found that Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD- has helped me distance myself from the accusations and allow her to feel heard.

(I’m reading it as part of a book club not related to parenting at all.) In the first two chapters of the book, I’ve learned the process of NVC. One of the steps that stands out to me, at this point, is the active listening, the non judgmental reflection of what has upset someone. And it’s helping me cope and Ms. Feisty feel heard. I’m not going to start letting her ride in the front seat, but she can also know that I hear how she feels, I even understand her sense of injustice and then she just sadly has to live with it for just a few more years.

Parenting is the toughest job that comes without a manual, but as I do my own personal and spiritual work, I find help, support and acceptance along the way.

I would love to know where you’ve found inspiration and even solutions in parenting that others might find beneficial. Please join my Your Organized Life Facebook group to share what’s helped you. It might be just what someone else needs!