Happy love day

Happy love day

When I was young(er) I wanted Valentine’s Day to be special. I wanted someone special to surprise me with flowers or candy or something sweet. And I remember feeling disappointed more times than I can count that no one did what I wanted.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that it wasn’t someone else responsibility to make me feel loved. 

It was my own!

What I s-l-o-w-l-y learned was I had to love myself (including treating myself to luxurious baths and permission to drink tea with a book on the couch for a whole day). And then share my love with others. 

Once I learned this, my focus changed from what am I going to get, to what can I do to fill my heart and then fill others.

I hope you noticed that I didn’t mention giving selflessly and putting others first. There is a time and place for that with family and friends, yet years of being a mom and working with hundreds of moms, I have deeply felt the importance of balance between giving of myself and giving to myself.

I’ve spent too many winters sick or evenings near tears because I forgot to check in with myself and see if I had the reserves to keep giving. 

How does one figure out where the line of reserves gets too low?

I don’t have a simple answer or the perfect recipe. I believe it takes trial and error. It takes getting to the edge of exhaustion a few times to learn where that edge is. 

For myself, I pay attention to when I enjoy helping and supporting others and when it’s become a drag on my energy. It takes giving too much and learning how to pull back. And it takes course adjustments.

I still feel over stretched at times and sometimes I just need to cry to my hubby or a friend for a few minutes to help me see….ohh I’ve got to let go of some things or I need that 10 minute break with a cup of tea in the sunshine.

Many times it means saying “no” today so I can say “yes” tomorrow.

No matter if you have a lover or a friend in this cold and dark season, I encourage you to give yourself love this month. You could of course buy yourself chocolate and flowers, but you could also do something that takes no money- like call a friend and go for a walk, or ask your family to cook you dinner, or take an extra long bath while you let the kids veg out on their screens, or find a great novel and curl up on the couch with a cup of tea and read for a few hours- BE FRIVOLOUS (which isn’t actually frivolous)! 

Remember self care (true self care; the stuff that isn’t a filler but feeds your soul) is worth more than chocolates and flowers.

Happy Love Day.

And self care might also mean pulling on your big girl pants and deciding to get your ACT Together. I help women get their act together everyday- through organization, prioritization, and clear boundaries you can find the time (and feel great) about giving love to yourself. I’ve got a handful of client spots right now. Let’s connect and see if we can get your act together- together! Email me and let me know what kind of support you need.